My BFF Kendra just launched her blog this week. And I’m so proud of her. This girl continues to kill it.
Blogging is a funny thing. It’s such a creative outlet for me (or at least started as one), but quickly the number of (or lack thereof) followers, readers, etc. that were browsing my blog each week became a way for me to measure my non success.
Pillow: So Vintage Chic
What once was this super positive thing for me, quickly became my most personalized point of comparison where all of a sudden I didn’t measure up. I wasn’t “big enough”, my posts weren’t getting enough “likes” or traffic and I felt defeated. Who was I really writing for? Myself or to be affirmed by others?
Even though my full time job is being at home raising three
monsters kids, which is a choice, it felt empty and the lack of additional public interest in my “work” (aka the blog) felt like a failure.
Do you ever get so deep in your day to day, that you look across the street and wish so badly that someone would pluck you out of your poopy-diaper reality and put you into fancy corporate-Connie’s reality? (*names have been made up to protect the innocent)
I thought, “being a mom will be enough”. Then, when that didn’t fill me, I thought, “I’ll start a blog and become super mom-status famous”. And then when that didn’t work either, I just was left with a giant feeling of disappointment.
Not good enough. Don’t measure up. No recognition.
Ugh, I hate these insecurities. I do. I am SO not this person.
Well, good news guys: I decided I don’t care anymore.
I write for myself. I work to create a home that I love, and that works for my family. I’m passionate about sharing fun things and spaces with my friends, both real-life and virtual. And I don’t need the recognition to determine my value or worth.
The reality is that blogging is not my job! And for many it is (which is awesome!). I need to concern myself less with everyone else’s outside approval, and worry more about loving my husband and raising my kids the best I can. That’s where I’ve been called for right now. This is all extra.
I want to do a better job of keeping the main thing, the main thing.
At the end of this life, no one will stand there and say wow, she sure had a lot of blog followers and a cute kitchen – we’ll miss her!
And frankly even if they did (they wouldn’t), I want to be known for so much more than that. I haven’t sacrificed success in a career, and years of focusing on my family, so that I can leave a legacy of cute kitchens. There is more. I know this. You know this.
I speak to you, as much as I’m speaking to myself: don’t compare.
You are enough.
You are where you are supposed to be.
Stay in your lane. Do your thing. We need that. And focus on the things that matter. Share your heart with others regardless of how many likes, or re-pins you’ll get. It matters. Keep putting yourself out there. We need you.
I have heard story after story of countless women who spent years throwing darts at the board to no avail. Success won’t come overnight. Freedom from diapers won’t come overnight (although my end IS in sight). But I have to believe that there is value in sharing authentic thoughts, and my heart, and my love for design. However amateur of an effort that is. This is my lane right now. And I’m going to stay the course and see what comes of it.
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